Superficial magazines, poorly distributed
Evenly, around the moulded bench
Headlines about anything different,
And nothing that was about to happen.
I was encountering my nightmares
And they were hands I could shake,
The validation of a pair of eyes
The same colour of the shadow swallowing them.
Scraping the bottom of one barrel,
The print on a shirt I imagined to tear up,
Dressed by the lady I didn’t want to be friends with.
The lips were numb against the wind
– and the cold,
and the silence.
I yelled at you,
As you were the only face to see.
But mine were the legs that wandered at the fastest pace,
Finally surrendering at the perimeters of a seat.
And again I waited,
Tracing the rituals of my curse,
For the heartbeat to pass and for you to be back,
To return to the nightmares.
Would there ever be
Ever, not soon
Enough plasticity of the mind
Allowing one – me – to figure out
Each one of the weapons?
I believed it firmly,
It felt no harm,
It carried no shame.
I could have battled
Many more million years.
You were there plenty
You were not enough of.
I haven’t noticed the exact,
As you unfolded,
When I was looking elsewhere,
When I wasn’t ready
I always longed to make my roots somewhere.
To feel I was belonging to someplace. Having the conviction I could find peace when in a precise spatial delineation within the universe, coordinated by geographical points;
And nowhere else.
Then I heard life saying:
The trees, they are outside!
Grab your arm. Clench it: it hurts. Skin changing color. Flesh sweating, swelling, smelling.
Arms pointing, holding who you love, stretching to turn off the air on the plane that is only on your face, stretching when you wake up in the morning. Those branches you possess unravelling towards the above, the undiscovered, the infinite possibilities, collecting the oxygen that makes your blood run, faster;
And I looked around, and I was possibly by myself, surely within myself: but nowhere where I had to be.
I’m standing already
I didn’t see you coming
Do you want me here?
What am I now?
Can I hold your hand?
Please go, bring your affections with you
I don’t need any
Are you angry?
It is my face, it can’t wrinkle in a smile
Why does it hurt
I brought you chocolate
I brought you an addiction that doesn’t bleed
I am sick and tired of compassion
Please wake me up
Do you think you are the only one?
Don’t you think I’ve thought about it too?
I didn’t consider the now
Now that it all returns back to me
I mean I’d never, I guess
Did you mean it?
It’s sunny today
Please let me believe you were asking for help
It feels warm on the tip of my nose
I would have come anyways
And it is November
I would have swiped your troubles away
I thought it was winter already
I would have at least tried to
Those flowers next to my bed
Have no roots
Try to let me in
You are not my family
Yes! Look at me
I feel cold now
Don’t ignore me
Get me the blanket
Why did you give up
Those blank spaces
Take, you are shivering
I still need to fill
It is never too late
To be happy again
With more chapters of a life
I am afraid to continue
My dad as Donald Trump
threatening the world to a massacre
pressing on the acceleration pedal
when me and my sister
are afraid of the wind
of the hair on our eyes
preventing us from seeing clearly
the car in the opposite lane
heading towards us
Record, to break it, no brakes, speed, free fall, autumn, is near, autumn, best colours, autumn, melancholy, of you.
I don’t eat –
are the year party
she didn’t attend
Galloping on the high wind
I long for eternity