Pavimento

Ho bisogno di sedermi. Ma a terra, sul pavimento.

Sedersi a terra rende immediatamente tutto così genuino, così più vero, d’altronde siamo con i piedi a terra quando siamo delle persone oneste, e forse perché la terra è il luogo a cui dobbiamo ritornare assieme alla polvere quando moriamo, e quando sono sul pavimento sono vera e onesta come quando ero da bambina, che a terra mi ci si sedevo perché forse mi era più vicina al petto.

Ma sedersi sul pavimento era trasgressione se alla fermata del treno, “è sporco!” mi diceva mia madre e potevo sedermi solo al sicuro della mia stanza, circondata dai giochi e la televisione e le biglie e le Barbie per terra, anche se la vedevo tutta la polvere sotto il letto e le travi del pavimento mancanti e i fili aggrovigliati attorno alla presa elettrica, ma in fondo la mia casa aveva mura angoli soffitti scrivanie e pavimenti al contrario di quella canzone che mi rendeva tanto triste mentre parlava di una casa bella davvero, ma forse a tali questioni non davo molto peso a quell’età – quale età?

E ora quando mi siedo a terra lo faccio delicatamente, con lo stesso timore che possa essere sgridata, anche se la polvere l’ho aspirata con foga ieri notte fino alle due e la Barbie è quella che voglio replicare sul mio corpo così che anche stasera la cena ha lasciato il posto ad un’intera bottiglia di Nero d’Avola e ora ho paura di cadere a terra come il pavimento fosse cosparso di biglie, e le voci le sento in testa come fosse sintonizzata su un canale che non ho voglia di seguire.

Cosi’ che mi siedo sul pavimento.

Come se fossi una bambina, almeno per un po’.

Quite yet, yet it disappeared

Would there ever be 
Ever, not soon
Enough plasticity of the mind
Allowing one – me – to figure out
Each one of the weapons?
I believed it firmly,
It felt no harm,
It carried no shame.
I could have battled
Many more million years.
And yet-
Quietly,
You were there plenty
And quietly,
You were not enough of.
I haven’t noticed the exact,
Precise moment

Silly me!

As you unfolded,
Waned
When I was looking elsewhere,
When I wasn’t ready
Quite yet.

Aught – All, everything

His inwardness exasperated her, his disorganization made her vent in hours-long phone calls while the listener stirred on a chicken soup – i.e., her mother living in Long Island.

But every time she heard him sliding under the duvet at night, trying not to wake her up even if he still smelled like walnuts and pecans, she knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him.

Bon Vivant – a sociable person who has cultivated and refined tastes especially with respect to food and drink

It had never occurred to her before.
She watched her father carelessly polish the buttery crab meat from the corners of his mouth – 40% of which had remained in the shells, the wine he would try and pour in his glass only to notice it was closed and thus beckoning the assistance of Amelia just to uncork the bottle.
Her father kept moving with the same pattern she’d seen every dinner time despite the words of the magistrate, whose baritone voice much resembled her father’s:
“You should have accepted that” – to that her father kept on gulping wine and seafood, but with the trepidation, now she noticed, of someone consuming his last supper.

Armistice: temporary stopping of open acts of warfare by agreement between the opponents

He glimpsed her figure from the canape side of the table. He had been stopped by the new Associate professor to discuss the lecture notes for History on Medieval Literature.

But he was looking at the red dress she was wearing. They bought it together a couple of years back in Panama, it had a deep neckline encrusted with irregular pearls. It slid slightly across her small breasts as she told a story to a gathering around her, who burst into laughter at the end of it.

She caught his sight – he stood next to the professor with his fists descending along his suite, recalling her mouth screaming, her watery eyes from earlier that afternoon.

She smiled at him. And it took a couple of seconds to him to smile back.